Solitude

Two Fridays ago I had the opportunity to go on a solitude retreat with the rest of Mission Year Atlanta. We spent the evening in a cottage at a state park and I was able to find rest in the midst of nature. I was surrounded by beautiful trees, the fall crisp air, and a shimmering lake. In this time of solitude God met me where I needed him to.

During our first solitude session I found a spot down by the lake. The sun was shining brightly so I closed my eyes and just listened. In this moment I realized there was so much life in the midst of the stillness. I found God in the breeze, in the intricate details of a spider web, and in the beauty of the trees. I saw God's movement around me. In my normal day to day I so easily miss the way God moves. Instead of saying I need to bring God into the busyness of my life, I need to recognize that He is already there. I become so focused on me, my schedule, and what is next that I miss the gentle breeze that surrounds me.

As I entered into this retreat I expected to struggle in my nothingness, but instead I was able to dwell in my belovedness. God calls me his beloved. God relates to me as His beloved. I was able to sit and allow my heart to dwell on the words, "You are my beloved, on you may favor rests." As I allow myself to become God's beloved I will continue to find my true self. As I discover my identity in Christ, my striving for perfection and my desire to be esteemed by others will come to an end.

God is teaching me many things about who I am and my beliefs. It is painful and hard at times, but is also beautiful. It is a journey I must take.